Substitute Girl

            I'm tired of being your substitute girl. Does it ever cross your mind how it makes me feel? You live your whole life free coming and going from peoples lives as you wish. I'm tired of only being around when you have no other plans. You only call/txt to tell me your problems but when you have no problems and your happy its like I don't exist. Where are you when I have problems, and not even problems half the time where are you when I just want us to hang and have a good time? Am I really that boring to everyone? Is that all that I'm good for is helping others through their problems? Just there to fill your time?  Am I your temporary happiness? I'm sick of it, I'm sick of you all. Its time that I know I have confidence. Its time for me to wash my hands of these kinds of people. I'm not going to be ANYONE'S substitute anymore, and I certainly don't want any substitutes in my life. It's not fair or right to them.  

 Sincerely,  

My new found Happiness :)

The start of something new :)

             Ive always hid my writings from everyone but one person. Until one day that whole part of my life that made me happy was ripped away. My writings were no longer private and the one person I could turn to was no longer there. I don't know what hurt more having someone I cared about so much just disappear or have my inner most feelings judged by someone who could never understand how I feel. Ive gone years with out writing and I'm not completely sure of why. Yes I'm afraid, I'd hate to be judged again, but I know that no matter what everyone is judged somehow someway by whomever. I never want to let go of that part of my life that inspired me to write and hurt me all at once because it was a major learning experience. I put my heart out on the line. I survived and moved on and with that being said so will my writing. I believe its never to late and I should have followed heart sooner but better late than never. Ironically enough I'd like to thank the 2 people who had put me through that emotional hell. I learned I shouldn't be ashamed of my visions, thoughts or creations because they are mine and mine alone. Everyone can judge but no one should be able to affect how I feel. The even bigger lesson learned from this time was that I am a strong independent woman. I've never really viewed myself this way, I'm always shy, timid and kept to myself. This became part of the problem of me not continuing what my heart so desired.     

                                               Today is the start of something new.. <3